The Question Is Not IF, but HOW?

Indulge me. Mrs. L talked about this Family Home Evening, but I wanted to present my thoughts on it as well.

Below are 10 groups of five words each. No, these aren't Yoda quotes.

It is possible with each group to form at least one four-word sentence. Look at the words quickly, and then mentally juggle them around until you have a sentence that makes sense, with one word left over, right? So, go ahead, take a minute, and form a sentence with each of the 10 groups.

• Him was worried she forever
• From are Florida oranges temperature
• Ball the throw toss slowly
• Shoes give replace old the
• He observeses occasionally people watches
• Be will sweat lonely they
• Sky the seamless gray is
• Should now withdraw forgetful we
• Us bingo sing play let
• Sunlight makes temperature wrinkle raisins

Wasn't that fun? Do you feel all mentally nimble now for having exercised your beautiful mind?

Except, whatever you think you feel after doing it, your behavior would demonstrate something very specific; you would act older. That sentence-construction activity hides what Malcolm Gladwell in "BLINK: The Power of Thinking without Thinking" calls a priming exercise. Peppered throughout are words alluding to old age. "Gray". "Florida". "Old". "Forgetful". Don't be irritated at the duplicity, there is a purpose to such an exercise. It helps measure what kind of effect we can exert on our unconcious selves.

Consider a study done with this kind of priming exercise. Subjects were brought, one at a time, into a room with a similar list of five-word groupings, and asked to time themselves creating four-word sentences. One half were "primed" with words with aggressive connotations, the other half with patient ones. They were instructed, when they'd completed the sentence exercise, to leave the room, go down the hall, and tell the professor they were finished.

Now here was the actual measurement. The professor was in his office, but a conspirator was in the doorway, talking to the professor, blocking access. What was actually measured was how long the subject would take before interrupting the conversation. It was thought the difference would be minimal; they joked of making sure their timers could distinguish into the hundredths of a second. After, all, it was New York City, how different could the measurements be?

The results were staggering; 82% of the volunteers who had been primed to be polite NEVER interrupted at all.

If you tend, like me, to be dubious, it might be tempting to write off such a test result as an aberration. Or perhaps you are suffering from sympathy irritation? Rassin frassin psychologists, always trying to trick those poor undergrad students. Who wants to be brainwashed into behaving politely anyway?

Fair concerns, but if that's what you are thinking, you are missing the point. Look at how profoundly behavior is influenced ... by what is essentially background noise. The stuff we behold and consume, with our eyes and ears. Do you understand that environment can have such a polarizing effect on how we act?

Another experiment in the book takes two groups of students to answer 42 demanding questions from Trivial Pursuit. Half were asked to take 5 minutes to think beforehand about what it would mean to be a professor and write down everything that came to mind. Those students got 55.6% of questions right. The other half of the studnest were asked to first sit and think about soccer hooligans. They ended up with 42.6% right.

That's a 13% difference, with no other factor involved except their primed thoughts.

So, the question I had while reading this, was how do I prime my thoughts? I feel fantasically ahead of the game, of course, because Mrs. L does such a fantastic job of priming our home for me. I am surrounded by uplifting words.



I know that puts me at great advantage, but I am sure that is not enough. Our thoughts, the music we listen to, the books we read. All prime us for something. If you knew that taking five minutes before a test to ponder the ideal academic, if that five minutes meant you were going to do 5, 10, or 15% better on the test, what kind of an idiot wouldn't take that opportunity? How different would you be if you took five minutes to ponder the ideal parent, the ideal sibling, before getting off of your knees after morning prayer?

How differently would you treat the people you encounter during your daily living if you primed yourself with the scriptures in the morning?

We live in a time of unparralled freedom, our choices bordering on the infinite. How are you using that great freedom to control your environment?

Mourning with Those Who Mourn

On the one hand, I want everyone to be able to feel what I felt, to see what I saw. On the other hand, I want you to feel a little bit of regret that you missed it, too. That regret might motivate you to seek it out next time, to not let it pass you by. So, not guilt! But seriously; you missed something amazing.

Mrs. L just finished doing the most complicated, difficult, stressful job EVER! The culimnation of months of effort, hundreds of man-hours of meetings and organization, thousands of dollars of fees, insurance. She was in charge of this year's (it's Bi-annual, so the next one isn't until 2010) Quilt Show, hosted by her guild, the Flying Geese.

It is always amazing, always busy, this quilt show. I love seeing quilters congregate. There is no other art form that so thoroughly cultivates and welcomes so many aspects of art and human behavior. There are traditional quilters, who favor muted colors, standard patterns. Utilitarian quilters, in it only for something warm to cover the bed. Fabric artists that view quilts as another canvas, using paint and fabric interchangeably. Message quilters, telling stories. Heirloom quilters, who despair at the thought of any of their work being touched. Prodigious quilters who make gifts for every occasion. Theme quilters who make every production about their favorite thing. Funny, formal, artistic, crafty, hippy, traditional, comforting, wild, sedate, practical, outrageous, avant garde, smooth, disturbing. Room for everyone at this table.

And Mrs. L right there, herding the cats exactly where they need to be.

It was a riot of color, a beehive of activity Friday night setting up. This year, there was a particular feature of the exhibit that Mrs. L was very pleased to have arranged. "Alzheimer's: Forgetting Piece by Piece!" is an exhibition of 52 quilts assembled by the Alzheimer's Art Quilt Initiative (AAQI). The quilts are "poignant interpretations of the Alzheimer's experience in fiber".

The AAQI had some interesting, and very specific requirements for the installation. The quilts had to be displayed on black backgrounds (most quilt shows display against white). The sections had to be 10 feet wide (the display equipment the Flying Geese have is 8 feet wide). It came more as an travelling exhibit of art. In fact, a good number of the venues that host and display it are not quilt shows.

Mrs. L was justifiably delighted to have the chance to participate, but wearied by the burden of it. It was a long month getting ready for the show, all the extra meetings. When the weekend of the installation finally arrived, she was already exhausted, and us with her. But she powered through. She is one of the strongest people I know, and I envy her work ethic!

Now, I've spent my whole adult life around quilts. Mrs. L is an artist of rare vision and talent, and living with her has been to my great benefit. I am surrounded with beauty and the life of her art. So I when I was ferrying materials to her during the set up for this exhibit, I was excited to see the quilts that were going up. I was not prepared for the power of the AAQI exhibit.

Mrs. L did a masterful job emphasizing the particular nature of the AAQI quilts, putting them in the center of the large gymnasium where the show was set up. I suspect her new future dream job would be as curator of some amazing gallery. She arranged the wall space for the exhibit as an enclosed square, so you could circle the outside seeing the first half of them, and then move inside through a baffled openeing and see the remainder of the quilts.

In the center, you were secluded from the rest of the show. The black fabric removed you from the crowds moving by, and a bench was there to sit on. Some of the quilts were almost abstract, some very specific biographical memorials. All were about Alzheimer's; its effect on the victim, on the families. Prospects, fears, memories. Each quilt had a posted statement from the artist discussing the quilt and its meaning.

I consider myself a fairly empathetic person, and have been moved by the stories of many people over the years. This was different, on a different scale. Every quilt I stopped to look at closely, I could feel the emotion, the power of its message. It radiated, like heat from a stove. Waves of melancholy, weary, tired mourning. The lifetimes of intelligence and good humor that slowly disappear under the relentless progress of Alzheimer's Disease. It made me feel a member of the human race, a sibling to everyone. I could feel the joint burden of our trials settle on my shoulders, and was comforted to know that the burden was lighter for being shared by all of us.

Setting up was busy, but each time I stopped to look at a quilt, I could feel tears forming in my eyes. Not entirely of sadness, but the catharsis of mourning.

Life is a difficult process, as full of setback and heartache as it is of triumph and victory. Feeling the wash of human emotion at this exhibit enobled me, made me certain that I can succeed in dealing with whatever comes. When we mourn with others, we give them a community's worth of acceptance and strength. They give us their wisdom.

Open Your Eyes, Look Up to the Skys

We look, and do not see. Our eyes are open, but we do not perceive.

Coming home the other night, my middle son and daughter were in the car. Late return from harp lessons and choir practise. We were listening to one of the excellent mix-CDs I've gotten over the years from relatives (I love being related to people with good taste). My daughter was happy, bouncing, cheery. It was late, and my son was tired. He wondered aloud if perhaps his sister might . . . contain her exuberance.

A teaching moment!

I asked my son to please listen to me, just for a bit, to give me his attention. I told him that I wanted my children to seek beauty in the world, to love aesthetic moments and wring the joy from each day. We live in amazing time, in a wonderful world. For all the evil and ugliness, there, too, is goodness. I want them all to bravely embrace happiness, to not give into ennui, to feign maturity by manifesting the popular trend of ironic disengagement. So then, when we encounter someone else who is full of happiness about something, I would hope mightily that we can appreciate the vigor of their happiness, even if their expression seems to us immature, shrill, or silly. Love life, avoid sarcasm, allow others to love life.

He quickly countered with a personal memory, of when he was the one who had been shushed for his exuberance, asking why HE was told to be quiet. I told him, honestly, that in that situation, we were wrong to scold him, that we should have taken the higher road and joined him in his joy of life. I promised him, the next time it happened, I would try harder to be happy for his happiness.

We listened to the music, and could occasionally hear my daughter happily humming and bouncing along.

But then we got home. Late, dark, quiet, tired. Both I and my son had arm-loads of stuff to take in, things to toss in the recycling bins, were ready, PAST ready, for bed. As we are moving away from the car, drudging to the house, looking forward to just turning off the light, my daughter is still standing where she got out of the car.

"What is that?" She whispered intensely, looking up.

I was || close to tiredly, exasperatedly groaning, "It's the full moon, just like the other 160-some-odd full moons you've seen." But, my words echoed in my ears. Be delighted by the delight of others. So, I put away my exasperation, and I turned my eyes sky-ward. . .

and . . .

and gasped. Beauty. The pure, piercing, amazing glory of a once-in-a-lifetime celestial event. I was dumb-founded.

After a second, I found words. I spoke reverently. "That, sweetie, is a moonbow. I've never seen one before. I suspect most people go their whole life without seeing one. Now quick, go tell your Mom if she is still awake."

I had over the years seen plenty of auras around moons (especially in the winter; I held them as personal harbingers of heavy snowfall the following day, something I was happy to see on a Sunday through Thursday night during the school year). You know, those glowing, circular halos? Never anything like this. The ephemeral, translucent circle of light around the moon, visible when there are wispy clouds or high fog, that was nice. But this . . . wow.

You could see the colors in the arc "above" the moon. Clear, ruby red, muting into orange and then a yellow band in the middle. Then, flowing into a greenish striation until it moved bluely through purple and away into the dark night sky. It glowed, almost visibly humming, color against the deep black of space.



I hurried in, made sure my son got the word to go back out and look at it. Joined Mrs. L on the front lawn to look. In a few minutes, the clouds shifted, and it was just a normal aura again.

Have a beautiful day. Be sure to allow the beauty seen by others to draw out your smiles, too.

Autumn in a Year Divisible By 4, Yep, Must Be a Post about Politics

I work for a State Government Administrative Agency. Some of my thoughts about politics, I come by professionally. I have met, briefed, and testified before elected officials. They are the best of people, they are the worst of people. Smart, competitive, eager, vain, greedy, altruistic, and vicious. I respect them, admire them for their sacrifices, and have no urge whatsoever to join their ranks or get in their way. I think that almost universally, they really are trying to do what they think is best for their electorate. But they are hobbled by the reality; in order to do anything, they have to be in office in the first place. And in order to get into office, they need money. Party support. Exposure. They almost always have to win a contest against someone else, and that contest will almost always be ugly. I have no wisdom, no answer to this. I just try to see beyond the mud, and vote for the person I think will do the most good (or the least harm).

What a Presidential Race this year! The part of me that can step back and be matter-of-fact is delighted with how emotional and intense it has been. I am excited for the number of Americans who really seem interested enough to participate this year. The issues are compelling. There is no incumbent running on either ticket for the first time in 14 elections (almost 60 years! go on, fact-check me, I dare you!)

I am conflicted. What should I base my decision on? I'll tell you something right off; there are a bunch of things I'm not going to base it on.


Polarization
First, go read this. Please, just glance at it. Where do you fall; do the candidates start to look similar in appeal to you, or do you think anyone voting for (the other candidate) is just crazy? I was fascinated by the VP choices this election. Both picks serve to appeal to the "party-base". Obama and McCain both had weakness in their appeal to the core of their parties.

McCain has been repeatedly bloodied in both the 2000 and the current primaries by other Republican candidates for not being conservative enough. The nomination of Palin injected his campaign with someone who is young and overtly religious. For all the criticism laid on Obama for being a celebrity, McCain went out and got his own!

Obama needed the foreign relations cred, needed to demonstrate his commitment to liberal ideals. For all the concern that has been expressed McCain's age, Obama went out and got an old warhorse of his own.

So I don't see the candidates as similar, they are certainly worlds apart on the issues. But I disagree with each candidate on lots of things, agree with each on lots. I see the choice between them as marginal, and will ultimately make my selection on which issue matters the most to me.


Demonizing the Opposition
John McCain is erratic. Barack Obama is inexperienced. His middle name is Hussein! He's the oldest nominee ever! Lions and Tigers and Bears!

Running for President is like parenting after a divorce; yes, everyone knows you think your opponent (your ex-spouse) is terrible. But the voters (your kids) are smart, and need to figure it out themselves. They need your permission to love the other one, or else you look like a paranoid bully (and make your kids feel guilty). There are a million reasons to NOT vote for either candidate, but if I hear even a single one of them uttered by their opponent (or one of the opponent's partisans), I automatically discount its weight. Tell me what your guy will do that's good; trying to scare me into voting by highlighting what's going to be awful about the other guys just makes me mad at you.


Contentless Attacks
Does it matter how many times John McCain referred to the audience as "my friends"? Does it matter how often Barrack Obama interrupts his sentences with the verbal hiccup of a barely pronounced "y'know"?

Yes, past is prologue. But does it really matter now if 20 years ago Obama had some kind of interaction with a then-radical? Does it matter the McCain as a young pilot was a bit of a hot dog? Well, actually, yes, it does. But not as much as what they are doing in the last ten years, what they are promising to do in the next. That old stuff is like the base coat for a mural, it gives an underlying tone, but focusing on the negative old-timey stuff of your opponent? That makes you guilty of both being negative, and being petty.

Yeesh.


Deliberate Obtuseness
Did you watch the debates, any of them? Have you ever seen a politician interviewed on TV? You know how the politician will receive a question, and then say respond with something that is tangential (at best) to the inquiry? That adherence to talking points, that refusal to answer the question, that insistance that, "What I've got to say is more important than what you were trying find out!" drives me BATS! But it works, the shame of if is that it works. Politics is a long game, with a score tallyed only once every two years at the election time. Everything a politician does every single comment, interview, committee hearing, everything, is angled towards that. So when they ask Sarah Palin what's the right place to use nuclear weapons, she's not going to give the answer (either she really is a crazy right-wing zealot who thinks she needs to assist the second coming by starting armageddon, in which case she'll use them the first chance she gets, or she understands the doctrine of deterrence, in which case she would only ever use them in an instance where a weapon of mass destruction was employed against the US or its interests). She'll use the question as a springboard to repeat her support of the troops, McCain's determination to protect the US, their shared conviction that we can and must win against the forces of evil.

Banality doesn't win the election, but the banal repetition of talking points doesn't lose the election. That's why you get so much contentless response. Up until the last few months, I was pretty happy with both McCain and Obama, felt that they generally did a good job really answering questions asked of them. But now it's close, no one wants to say the thing, use the phrase that turns into the gaffe that sinks the ship.


So, when I consider what I've heard, read, and seen these last few months, I think the McCain campaign is probably the worse in offending me. But he's behind in the polls, and conventioinal wisdom has always been to fight ugly when you are behind. Because, sad but true, fighting ugly narrows the cap. No matter how offended I get by it, there are people in American that respond. *sigh*


The "issues" for me this time;

Military in the Middle East
I think there were a hundred sound policy and strategic reasons to invade Iraq. None of them involved Al-Qaeda. Weapons of Mass Destruction was a part of it (I think the whole world bought Saddam's bluff; he didn't have them, but he sure wanted everyone to think he did), but certainly not the whole reason. It saddens, infuriates me to think of the collective good will that the Bush Administration frittered in their single-minded and poorly planned war in Iraq. But we are there now. We need a President that will do the right thing. Not withdraw willy nilly (which is not what Obama has promised). Not stay there forver (which is not what McCain has promised). Of the two, I think McCain has a better idea of what "success" means.

Definition of Family
I really believe that marriage is the union of man and woman, and it is through marriage that families are created. I feel I operate under a specific direction to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society. My certainty of these things puts me at odds with the powerful feelings of others, and my desire that all people should benefit from the freedom to self-direct their lives has created a great deal of angst in me as a result. But while I wish all people happiness, and the joy of self-fulfillment, I feel I must act on my personal belief and direction. The change/erosion of what constitutes marriage, of what makes a family has become a political plank. The Republicans are on the side I believe is correct.

Diplomacy
I think John McCain 8 years ago was an outstanding example of someone who could find common ground, could inspire unity. I think he was gone to great lengths to either change or hide that capacity in the last 8 months. I worry about the increasing isolation caused by America's unilateral behavior, and think the next President needs to mend our relationship with the World. No question, right now, Obama looks like a better fit.

Personal Liberty
No question, "we" have less now than we did before 9/11. In that regard, McCain represents the status quo, heightened scrutiny, and a lowered bar for that scrutiny. I think we are more secure (if more scrutinized) as a result. It is tempting for me to *shrug* and say so what, it's not like I'm going to do anything worth scrutinizing. But I am student of the Constitution, and benefit from its robust effect on society. I worship how I may, politic what I may. Those things matter. So I worry about the erosion of freedom. While I am not wholly sure which is the more moral direction to go, I think people shouldn't be so afraid of the government. Obama by a slim margin.

The Economy
*shrug* I'm not shrugging because I don't care. I'm just baffled. I liked McCain's idea to have the government re-broker loans facing foreclosure. But I thought the Hope Now Program
http://www.hopenow.com/
already did something similar. I am trying to educate myself, trying to understand what is wrong, and what would make the world a stabler, better place. Null.

The Environment
I believe the world has changed in the last 200 years. While I acknowledge those strident conservative voices who insist the change is due to normal cyclic variations, and is not the result of mankind, I think they are wrong (or at least, are not entirely correct). I think we have had a negative effect on the planet. Drilling on the continental shelf isn't the answer, and I wish McCain would spend more time talking about Nuclear Power and less time on domestic oil. I think the candidates themselves are a tie on the issue, but believe that McCain would be hobbled by the Party, and the Republican Party definitely loses in my opinion. Obama in a walk.


I think voting for the ticket you like better, even if that emotion is based purely on an instinctive resonance, is perfectly legitimate.

Voting for the candidate that will provide greater comedy for the next 4 years, while irresponsible, is also perfectly legitimate. Who does Jon Stewart mock with greater comedic effect?

I hope the Bradley Effect is gone forever, never to again make a return appearance.

But I remain conflicted, even after writing it all down. Part of me wishes we did things the way they did in the old days and, that candidates ran without VP choices, with the second place winner assuming the role of Vice President. It seems to me that Obama and McCain would make a pretty effective team. But that's just silly. So, reality check; if our military efforts overseas and the definition of the family are most important to me, then I'm voting for McCain. If they aren't, then I'm voting for Obama.

I contemplate my trip to the elementary school in 24 days, and have a feeling I will be praying for direction on the way there. Right up until the time I cast my vote.