North Carolina Beach Trip, 2009

We are at the beach this week, in a house in Southern Shores, about 1/2 a block from the beach. We'll put up actual beach pictures another day.

Sam peaking over the Wright Brothers' plane replica.

The kids on the sidewalk leading up to the obelisk.

Suzu is so strong!

Roxie Jane has those Landbeck blue eyes.

We've missed having Stewart and Max at the beach this year, but Suzanna has leapt into the gap left behind; she's found ghost crabs big enough to eat, and lets them climb up and down her arms like crazy. It's been fun to have the kids squealing around the beach, chasing the little critters.

Every Epic Love Story, Chapter Two; The First Date (a very short chapter)

Ok, the title is cheating. Our first date wasn’t really a date. But it was date-like. I wanted it to be a date! You know that scene in “The Sixth Sense” where Bruce Willis thinks he’s eating dinner at a restaurant with his wife? Yeah, I’m Bruce Willis in this scene. . .

The semester drew to a close. Work wrapped up on the 10th edition of “The Leading Edge”. A gathering was orchestrated, and the staff were invited.

Except at this point, there were no more staff meetings. So a poster got put up in the Office where we held our meetings, and directions were given to the Staff leaders to contact the rest of the volunteers so they would now about it.

I got a phone call from “Jenny”, reminding me that I worked on her marketing staff, and that as a volunteer I was invited to the end-of-the-edition party. It was right across the street from my dorm, at a local pizza joint called “The Pie Pizzeria”.

Invited to a party by her? Of COURSE I said yes.

But then I tried to figure out her name. There was a list of the management staff, and I carefully reviewed it from the top down. No Jennifers. Did she come to work on the magazine after the list was published? I knew she was at least a year ahead of me in school, since she was in charge of one of the departments, but I knew nothing else about her. Where she was from, what her major was. I wanted to know everything about her. But man, I was way too much the coward to actually . . . ask her.

Ah, there was a girl named Jennilyn. Pretty name. I wonder if she shortened it?

Ask me what classes I took that Fall (besides the Tolkien class). Ask me about my finals. I remember nothing. I can’t remember how I got from school to the airport to fly home, don’t remember any assignments, don’t remember the craziness of changing rooms, rearranging furniture, saying good-bye to new friends I’d met as we all scattered for the Winter Break.

But I remember going to The Pie for dinner with Jenni.

Now, I’m terribly mortified that I ever thought her name was Jennifer. I hope she’s forgiven me.

I did manage to not ever say her name wrong; since I was unsure what her name was (or how she pronounced it), I waited until I heard her say it.

The details of how the evening reached its high point are hazy now. I don’t remember who else I talked to there. Were there name tags to make sure each of us could identify our fellow staffers? There was a friend of mine from my dorm who had been working on the magazine with me, I can’t remember if he was there.

But the high point, was a zenith indeed.

I ended up sitting at a table with Jennilyn, just the two of us. I am certain that I spent too much time talking about myself. What I should have done (boys, pay attention) before the party, instead of daydreaming about what her major might be (or how she pronounced her name), was role-play asking her questions.

“Are you dating anyone right now?”
“What’s been your favorite class at BYU so far?”
“What’s the most horrible thing your roommate has done?”
“Do you have any siblings?”
“If you could have any vehicle, what would it be and where would you take it?”
“What’s your favorite thing to cook? What’s your favorite dish to be served?”
"Best movie you've seen this semester?"
"Which are prettier, sunrises or sunsets?"

It’s been almost a quarter century since that first meal. I think having a slice at The Pie counts as breaking bread. I am still desperate to know more about her. I am still often carried away with the adolescent fear that I am not interesting enough, which fear is only allayed when she smiles at me.

I remember talking about my wish to ride a motorcycle around the country, just to see everything, a wish I am now positive I spent time elaborating in the hope to impress her with my bohemian spirit of adventure. She talked about living off campus, talked about the magazine, talked about some of her classes.

I remember losing myself in her eyes, her beautiful smile.

But, alas, I am spectacular dork. I didn’t ask her on a date, didn’t ask her for her phone number (to wish her a Merry Christmas during break! I mean, duh, what a no-brainer). Didn’t even vocalize my feverish wish to see her again next semester.

“I have had a wonderful time with you, and would love to get to know you better.”

How hard would that have been to say out loud? Nope. “Hey, Merry Christmas.”

Worse. Last words. Ever.

We parted, I am certain, with wholly unequal plans regarding each other. I went completely middle school, actually writing her name out on papers I was using and decorating it with doodles. There was no google back then, no facebook to research. I had to content myself with speculation.

I speculated that I would never, ever get a second look. I would never have the courage to ask her directly to pay attention to me.

Christmas was fun, the break from school was fun, but I think if you asked anyone around me, they’d have all said the same thing.

“What’s he so mopey for this year?”

Next Christmas would be a completely different story.

To be continued ... in chapter 3.

Or look backwards at chapter 1.

Book of Mormon Stories Chapter 8

1 Nephi 8

1 And it came to pass that we had gathered together all manner of seeds of every kind, both of grain of every kind, and also of the seeds of fruit of every kind.

How do you feel we do as a family doing chores together? Has everyone had a turn working outside in the garden with Mom?

3 And behold, because of the thing which I have seen, I have reason to rejoice in the Lord because of Nephi and also of Sam; for I have reason to suppose that they, and also many of their seed, will be saved.
4 But behold, Laman and Lemuel, I fear exceedingly because of you; for behold, methought I saw in my dream, a dark and dreary wilderness.

Something we have tried very hard to do is NOT engage in a lot of comparisons. "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?" is a distructive parenting technique; why do you think Lehi says this?

7 And it came to pass that as I followed him I beheld myself that I was in a dark and dreary waste.

How do you see the world? We are supposed to have optimism, to be grateful for the beauty of creation. What is dark and dreary about it?

8 And after I had traveled for the space of many hours in darkness, I began to pray unto the Lord that he would have mercy on me, according to the multitude of his tender mercies.

Have you sought and felt the tender mercies of the Lord?

12 And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit.

Here's an important test of whether something really makes you happy; do you want to share it with the people you love? If you don't want to share it, than what you are feeling is probably not love, but greed, the feeding of some appetite, perhaps. Happiness grows when it is shared.

15 And it came to pass that I beckoned unto them; and I also did say unto them with a loud voice that they should come unto me, and partake of the fruit, which was desirable above all other fruit.

Do you respond when you are beckoned? Do you second-guess, and substitute your opinion for others (especially your parents)?

21 And I saw numberless concourses of people, many of whom were pressing forward, that they might obtain the path which led unto the tree by which I stood.
22 And it came to pass that they did come forth, and commence in the path which led to the tree.
23 And it came to pass that there arose a mist of darkness; yea, even an exceedingly great mist of darkness, insomuch that they who had commenced in the path did lose their way, that they wandered off and were lost.

Have you ever been blinded, and still needed to move? Try closing your eyes and moving around the house for awhile. Why is it dangerous to travel along a path with ONLY your eyes to orient your movement? How is having a second means of orientation (like a GPS, sound . . . or a handrail, maybe?) wise?

27 And it was filled with people, both old and young, both male and female; and their manner of dress was exceedingly fine; and they were in the attitude of mocking and pointing their fingers towards those who had come at and were partaking of the fruit.

Have you ever felt mocked? Did it change your behavior? Are you guilty of mocking others?

28 And after they had tasted of the fruit they were ashamed, because of those that were scoffing at them; and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost.

If you do something that is right, and you KNOW it's right, then how could mocking make you feel ashamed of your choice?

37 And he did exhort them then with all the feeling of a tender parent, that they would hearken to his words, that perhaps the Lord would be merciful to them, and not cast them off; yea, my father did preach unto them.

Can you feel the great tenderness of your parents' exhortation? Your happiness and success matter so much to us; there is nothing we yearn for with greater eagerness.

Every Epic Love Story, Chapter One; The Meet Cute (Or Boy Meets Girl)

Every Epic Love Story, Chapter One; The Meet Cute, or Boy Meets Girl.

I’ve been threatening to tell this story for years, the story of how Mrs. L and I got to be a couple. Well, I’ve been living the story for decades. Perhaps promising is a better word. It is a good time, I think. My own children will be moving through the process of finding, learning about, and choosing someone to be with. I want them to know our story.

We met in September of 1985. But like every epic love story, it begins much earlier than the beginning.

It began when we were teenagers and found a common (though we didn’t know it at the time) love of Science Fiction and Fantasy, books and movies both.

It began when we became aware of our own parents’ relationships, and cultivated a desire on our own part to be with someone else.

It began when we both applied to Brigham Young University.

I believe it may have begun before we were born.

So . . . there are a lot of places it began. But I could spend all day drifting in circles, musing about the abstract and metaphysical nature of beginnings. So, to the chase.

The relevant facts are;
both grew up reading a lot of science fiction and fantasy
both went to BYU (me in 1985, Mrs. L in 1984)
both wanted very much to do get married and be happy
both are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

So, August 1985. I spent weeks exhaustively reviewing BYU’s catalog, picking the perfect classes for me. I filled in and erased the little chart in the course catalog I got in the mail until the paper disintegrated (Ha! Imagine the poor old timey students with their pencils and erasers...). Mom gave me one salient piece of advice I still remember; pick the classes that work for you. The sub-text of that instruction was; don’t be an idiot, you should only be in class after 11am!

So I had it all lined up. Two AP tests cleared me from the requirement of taking some basic English and Social Studies classes, so I dove right in with English 295; Shakespeare! I’m in college now, time for the big, meaty stuff!

But my first day, I had the at-the-time-it-didn’t-seem-so-fortunate fortune of having my Shakespeare class cancelled the very first day I attended. Have you ever shown up for something, and had a big sign written across the board, “DUE TO A HEART ATTACK, YOUR PROFESSOR IS NOT TEACHING THIS SEMESTER”? Is that a sign or what?

Please review fact number 1; I self-identified as a big SF fan. During the week before classes, while freshman are being directed all over campus, getting oriented (orientated? orientationed? You know, familiarized) I found the science fiction section of the BYU Bookstore. In it, I discovered an entire bookshelf filled with copies of a student-published science fiction magazine, The Leading Edge. I bought one of each issue that they had on the shelf. I read in the editor’s page on one (another in a series of remarkable moments; believe me I had never, ever read the editor’s page in any magazine before, ever) that in Fall of 1985, BYU was offering a seminar class on Great English Authors that would feature J.R.R. Tolkien. So, naturally, once my Shakespeare class got cancelled, I knew what the replacement would be.

I was way out of my depth in that class. This English 495R is a senior seminar, for real students, real students of English who know how to write scholarly papers. For it to focus on an author presumes of the students that they’ve read the author’s work, multiple times, that they’ve formed opinions about patterns, sub-texts, and so on.

Me, I was a goofy freshman who saw the old roto-scope animation Lord of the Rings movies, and started to read the trilogy once. I think. Definitely swimming in the deep end to think I could take that class and manage.

Fortunately, I was put in a small group with the very author of that Leading Edge Editor’s note which prompted me to take the class. Something inspired him to invite me to come and volunteer for his beloved magazine.

So on that first Saturday in October, 1985, I walked into the Leading Edge office in the basement of the JKHB building. The staff meeting had to do with deadlines, stories, advertising, programs. They put out a magazine every semester, and right then were in the middle of reviewing the submissions. I was surprised that the gender division was roughly equal, but was acutely aware that all the girls there were smarter and more mature than me. I was a young freshman, only 17. So in an abstract way, I enjoyed being in the midst of my peers, with lots of people (girls!) who liked something that I liked too.

At the end, the Editor from my Tolkien class assigned me to be on the marketing staff, and introduced me to my boss. Jenny. She had gorgeous long brown hair, amazing golden-brown eyes, an infectious laugh, a pretty smile. She was by far the best-looking girl on the staff. Everything about her was glorious, lyrical, beautiful.

Way out of my league. I was hopelessly lost in a spectacular freshman crush.

The relevant elements now that I look back on it, almost 25 years later, are that I felt a powerful physical attraction to her, a profound social identification with her, a caring, almost care-taking desire to make her happy. As my marketing boss, as a person. As a woman. I talked with her for maybe five minutes, knew I would never have the courage to say anything about attractive I thought she was, but I knew I liked her.

And that was it for a couple of months. I went to class, came to Leading Edge meetings, occasionally saw her, would get assignments (like putting up posters around campus), did my best to stay afloat at school.

I didn’t even know her last name.

The details came later, a delicious gradual reveal.

When I was in school, one of my favorite Professors was teaching a methodology class, and expressed his certainty that there was no perfect way to do the thing he was teaching us. He was glad we didn’t have to all be the same, “If we were all the same, then we’d all want to married to my wife!”

I don’t think there is a perfect way that true love happens. Everyone who knows me is aware that I have a strong faith. I believe in God. I believe he is aware of us and loves us with a perfect paternal affection. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which has at its head a man I believe speaks as a prophet on the earth, just like those Old Testament prophets. One prophet, Spencer W. Kimball has said,

It is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.

I don't have a strong opinion about the celestial mechanics behind who meets who, who is "supposed" to marry who. But I do have an inkling now, decades later, that I was supposed to meet Jenny.

And that everything that came after, was supposed to.

To be continued... in chapter 2

Fathers Day

Suave? Classy?

Dads are something else.

We all have one. Many of us are one.

Thank you Dad. My life now, the good that is my family, I cannot fathom all the ways that it has come from you.

Book of Mormon Stories Chapter 7

1 Nephi 7

If chapter 5 was about how to treat your spouse, then chapter has a lot to say about how you treat your boyfriend/girlfriend, and how parents might interact with their future children-in-laws.

1 And now I would that ye might know, that after my father, Lehi, had made an end of prophesying concerning his seed, it came to pass that the Lord spake unto him again, saying that it was not meet for him, Lehi, that he should take his family into the wilderness alone; but that his sons should take daughters to wife, that they might raise up seed unto the Lord in the land of promise.

How interested are we in your future spouses? Are parents entitled to receive revelation about who you should date?

2 And it came to pass that the Lord commanded him that I, Nephi, and my brethren, should again return unto the land of Jerusalem, and bring down Ishmael and his family into the wilderness.

How many times did Lehi send his boys back? Remember that the next time we forget to bring something on a trip...

3 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, did again, with my brethren, go forth into the wilderness to go up to Jerusalem.

You will be surrounded by inefficiencies all your life; when you are asked to do something, even if it's hard, or redundant, or annoying, we hope that you can report that you "did again" obey.

4 And it came to pass that we went up unto the house of Ishmael, and we did gain favor in the sight of Ishmael, insomuch that we did speak unto him the words of the Lord.

Boys, what's the plan; how are you going to "gain favor" in the sight of the parents of those young women you are interested in? Are you going to wander out of the wilderness, homeless, wanted in connection to the recent murder of a high-profile citizen? And girls, do you want to know what will "gain favor" with us, when your beaus are brought to meet us? Eagle rank in Scouts, returned missionary status, employed, those are all important. But we will watch how they treat you, us, your siblings, their own family.

6 And it came to pass that as we journeyed in the wilderness, behold Laman and Lemuel, and two of the daughters of Ishmael, and the two sons of Ishmael and their families, did rebel against us; yea, against me, Nephi, and Sam, and their father, Ishmael, and his wife, and his three other daughters.
7 And it came to pass in the which rebellion, they were desirous to return unto the land of Jerusalem.
8 And now I, Nephi, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, therefore I spake unto them, saying, yea, even unto Laman and unto Lemuel: Behold ye are mine elder brethren, and how is it that ye are so hard in your hearts, and so blind in your minds, that ye have need that I, your younger brother, should speak unto you, yea, and set an example for you?

What kind of influence are you being on your family? Are you sad/angry/peeved when everyone else is bad?

10 How is it that ye have forgotten that ye have seen an angel of the Lord?
11 Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten what great things the Lord hath done for us, in delivering us out of the hands of Laban, and also that we should obtain the record?

Think of the best, most profound, most uplifting and meaningful experience you've ever had. Even just the most recent good experiences. How did they inspire and uplift you? Are you acting like that person today? Did you respond like that person that last time something bad happened, or someone was mean to you? How can you remember the testimony and spiritual experiences you've had? How can you strengthen family without being nagging?

13 And if it so be that we are faithful to him, we shall obtain the land of promise; and ye shall know at some future period that the word of the Lord shall be fulfilled concerning the destruction of Jerusalem; for all things which the Lord hath spoken concerning the destruction of Jerusalem must be fulfilled.

What are you striving to obtain?

15 Now behold, I say unto you that if ye will return unto Jerusalem ye shall also perish with them. And now, if ye have choice, go up to the land, and remember the words which I speak unto you, that if ye go ye will also perish; for thus the Spirit of the Lord constraineth me that I should speak.
16 And it came to pass that when I, Nephi, had spoken these words unto my brethren, they were angry with me. And it came to pass that they did lay their hands upon me, for behold, they were exceedingly wroth, and they did bind me with cords, for they sought to take away my life, that they might leave me in the wilderness to be devoured by wild beasts.

When we warn you about something, are you grateful for the heads up, or irritated at our meddling? Do you get angry at corrections?

19 And it came to pass that they were angry with me again, and sought to lay hands upon me; but behold, one of the daughters of Ishmael, yea, and also her mother, and one of the sons of Ishmael, did plead with my brethren, insomuch that they did soften their hearts; and they did cease striving to take away my life.

Have you ever spoken up against a bully? Do you defend people who deserve it?

20 And it came to pass that they were sorrowful, because of their wickedness, insomuch that they did bow down before me, and did plead with me that I would forgive them of the thing that they had done against me.

When you are wrong, are you apologetic?

21 And it came to pass that I did frankly forgive them all that they had done, and I did exhort them that they would pray unto the Lord their God for forgiveness. And it came to pass that they did so. And after they had done praying unto the Lord we did again travel on our journey towards the tent of our father.

Do you frankly forgive? Do you know how to frankly forgive? Is it something you want to be better at? Who do you know who is god at it? Are they foolish in forgiving quickly?

22 And it came to pass that we did come down unto the tent of our father. And after I and my brethren and all the house of Ishmael had come down unto the tent of my father, they did give thanks unto the Lord their God; and they did offer sacrifice and burnt offerings unto him.

We are grateful every single time our children come home, if it's at the end of the day, or the semester, or a war, or decades. Feasting when family returns is a good thing. Attending church or the temple to celebrate is a good thing.

Book of Mormon Stories Chapter 6

1 Nephi 6A short chapter! Yay, time to catch up.

1 And now I, Nephi, do not give the genealogy of my fathers in this part of my record; neither at any time shall I give it after upon these plates which I am writing; for it is given in the record which has been kept by my father; wherefore, I do not write it in this work.
2 For it sufficeth me to say that we are descendants of Joseph.

Sometimes, it's OK to summarize. Should we keep two journals? Keep your audience and your message in mind when you write. This book, First Nephi, is not the author's journal, nor a book for his kids and family, but a targeted dissertation, written to us. His silence on familial details should not be an excuse for us to skip writing family histories.

4 For the fulness of mine intent is that I may persuade men to come unto the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, and be saved.

Think about why you do things, why you write things, what is your intent?

5 Wherefore, the things which are pleasing unto the world I do not write, but the things which are pleasing unto God and unto those who are not of the world.

Do the things of God please you? What does it mean to be "not of the world"?

6 Wherefore, I shall give commandment unto my seed, that they shall not occupy these plates with things which are not of worth unto the children of men.

Do we tell you want to do, in terms of who you are (your heritage or lineage)?

Book of Mormon Stories Chapter 5

1 Nephi 5

This chapter had some of the most profound lessons for me, as far as conduct in the home. Lehi find himself directly criticized, with name-calling and everything, and in the position of being not just probably right, being absolutely, prophetically right. Yet he is never indignant, never angry. The verb used to describe his demeanor and behavior is comforting.

Something meaningful to aspire to. When last you were confronted with anger, grief, or stress, how comforting were you? Did you criticize or chide before you sought to relieve?

1 And it came to pass that after we had come down into the wilderness unto our father, behold, he was filled with joy, and also my mother, Sariah, was exceedingly glad, for she truly had mourned because of us.

Do you feel like you understand the emotional reactions your parents have to your actions (joy, exceedingly glad, mournful)? What fills your parents with joy?

2 For she had supposed that we had perished in the wilderness; and she also had complained against my father, telling him that he was a visionary man; saying: Behold thou hast led us forth from the land of our inheritance, and my sons are no more, and we perish in the wilderness.

Doubts, complaints; how do you feal with imperfect parents? Be disappointed, forgive, take notes and resolve to be better than them when you grow up? Have you ever seen your mother mourn?

3 And after this manner of language had my mother complained against my father.

How do you think Nephi found out about his mother's complaints?

4 And it had come to pass that my father spake unto her, saying: I know that I am a visionary man; for if I had not seen the things of God in a bvision I should not have known the goodness of God, but had tarried at Jerusalem, and had perished with my brethren.
5 But behold, I have obtained a bland of promise, in the which things I do rejoice; yea, and I know that the Lord will deliver my sons out of the hands of Laban, and bring them down again unto us in the wilderness.

How should a husband respond to his wife when she is upset? Do you admit you admit your weaknesses when confronted, even if the confrontation is unjust?

6 And after this manner of language did my father, Lehi, comfort my mother, Sariah, concerning us, while we journeyed in the wilderness up to the land of Jerusalem, to obtain the record of the Jews.

How did Lehi comfort his wife? Note this section; Lehi's calm response is one of the most profound lessons for husbands in the entire Book of Mormon. Does testimony, does certainty of righteousness, trump kindness (Lehi is still kind to his wife as he bears his testimony)?

8 And she spake, saying: Now I know of a surety that the Lord hath commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness; yea, and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and delivered them out of the hands of Laban, and given them power whereby they could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them. And after this manner of language did she speak.

Do we bear testimony to children enough? Do you record your parents' testimonies in your journals?

9 And it came to pass that they did rejoice exceedingly, and did offer sacrifice and burnt offerings unto the Lord; and they gave thanks unto the God of Israel.

What are good reasons to go to the temple?

10 And after they had given thanks unto the God of Israel, my father, Lehi, took the records which were engraven upon the plates of brass, and he did search them from the beginning.

You should read your scriptures from cover to cover!

11 And he beheld that they did contain the five books of Moses, which gave an account of the creation of the world, and also of Adam and Eve, who were our first parents;

How's that sound for a Family Home Evening idea?

12 And also a record of the Jews from the beginning, even down to the commencement of the reign of Zedekiah, king of Judah;

Do we talk about politics enough? Come to dinner with a current event to discuss!

13 And also the prophecies of the holy prophets, from the beginning, even down to the commencement of the reign of Zedekiah; and also many prophecies which have been spoken by the mouth of Jeremiah.
14 And it came to pass that my father, Lehi, also found upon the plates of brass a genealogy of his fathers; wherefore he knew that he was a descendant of Joseph; yea, even that Joseph who was the son of Jacob, who was sold into Egypt, and who was preserved by the hand of the Lord, that he might preserve his father, Jacob, and all his household from perishing with famine.
15 And they were also aled out of captivity and out of the land of Egypt, by that same God who had preserved them.

Do you know the scriptures as well as we want you toknow them?

16 And thus my father, Lehi, did discover the genealogy of his fathers. And Laban also was a descendant of Joseph, wherefore he and his fathers had kept the records.

Do you think this is the first time Lehi had ever read it? Have you seen the Christmas project the Smiths did of Grandpa Carlson's family history?

17 And now when my father saw all these things, he was filled with the Spirit, and began to prophesy concerning his seed—

What promises or prophesies have we ever made about you kids?

19 Wherefore, he said that these plates of brass should never perish; neither should they be dimmed any more by time. And he prophesied many things concerning his seed.

Listen Listen to the prophet!

20 And it came to pass that thus far I and my father had kept the commandments wherewith the Lord had commanded us.

Can we say that? It is important to be aware when we are obedient; not to be self-congratulatory, but to engage in sober self-judgment.

22 Wherefore, it was wisdom in the Lord that we should carry them with us, as we journeyed in the wilderness towards the land of promise.

What do you think we would go back for? What would we take on our journey.

How to Make Pining-for-my-Wife Vegetable and Meat Soup

Equipment

Very Sharp Knife (VSK)
Crock Pot (try to make yourself aware of how many quarts)
Potato Masher
Vegetable Peeler

Ingredients

1 pound of meat per quart-size of your crock pot
sufficient broth (any meat broth will do) to cover the meat in the crock (usually, 2 quarts will be enough for 4-5 pounds of meat)
Seasoning Salt
Mustard
1/2
pound of bacon
4-8 stalks of celery
1-3 onions
2 cans corn
2 cans beans (I used one of red, one of black)
1 pound of carrots

Steps

• First, wait until your wife goes out of town for a few days to visit friends, attend a conference, drive with her Mom across the country. Whatever..


• The evening that your wife leaves, go to the grocery. Wander morosely around, trying to remind yourself of all the things the kids need to eat. Lunches to pack. Vegetables. Some fruit. Do we need milk?


• Hey! Find some meat on sale (in my case, it was boneless skinless chicken breast; the containers were kind of leaky, so they were really cheap). Buy a sufficient quantity for your crock pot (see ingredient one).


• Go home, put your groceries in the fridge, lie awake in bed, keenly aware of how very alone and cold it is.


• Wake up the next day, get the kids ready for school.


• Get out your crock pot, reminding yourself your wife has assured you over and over again that it is impossible to screw up cooking meat in a crock pot.


• Use your VSK to remove as much of the remaining bits of fat or bone from the meat as possible. In the process, cut the meat into 1-2 inch chunks.


• Clean the knife, and the cutting board, right now. Raw meat makes kids sick. Sick kids makes your wife think you are a dunce. Go on, wash your hands too.


• Fire up that engine of culinary awesomeness. I set mine on high, intending to turn it down once it gets to the boiling stage, but usually forget. So, you know, I’m kind of the poster-boy for the assertion that it is impossible to screw up cooking meat in a crock pot. Sorry, I really have no idea how hot you are supposed to set it.


• Spice it up. Spice it up more. Remember, you are not seasoning a burger, or even a steak. Your are seasoning the meal for multiple pounds of meat. Add more. I go in circles with the mustard about 4 times, making a nifty bullseye shape. Then I make it a pretty red color with the seasoning salt.


• Add the bacon. No wait, cut the bacon into little bite-sized pieces, then add it. Man, sorry if you already added it, it’s kind of gross to fish it out and cut it up.


• Pour in the broth. This should bring the level of stuff in your crock pot up to about 2 inches from the rim.


• Peel the carrots and add them. You can chop them (with your VSK) into bite-sized pieces if you want, but it’s kind of funny to have soup, a meal eaten with a spoon, with these great stick-sized carrots poking out of the bowls. And by “funny” I mean “messy”. OK, only leave the carrots long if you have kids to assign to the job of washing the table.


• Close the lid, and go do something else for the next 4 or 5 hours to take your mind off of missing her. Do the laundry.


• Well, don’t go away the whole time; if you forget to eat lunch, that ceases to be romantic pining, and becomes tragic self-injury. Kids need you to be nice to them while Mom is gone, not some grumpy ogre. Come back to the kitchen occasionally, make a sandwich or something, and stir the soup.


• Before you add the rest of the vegetables, you need to break up the meat. Have you ever tried to actually eat a 2-inch hunk of meat in soup? Ridiculous! Move all the carrots safely to one side of the pot, and mash the meat with a potato masher. Seriously; it makes them into perfect, soupy, bite-sized pieces of shredded meat. Nobody likes soup with cubed meat in it, you can buy that kind of nonsense in a cheap can of chicken soup.


• About two hours before you are going to eat, chop up the onions into soup-sized bites, add them. They will all float, I think that’s normal.


• Same thing with the celery. Try to vigorously stir the soup to get those darn veggies to mix in with the meat. Stupid floaty veggies. Remember how attractive food was when your wife was here? Go sit in the living room for a while and look at your wedding pictures.


• If you forgot to turn the crock pot temperature down earlier, turn it down now.


• About 30 minutes before eating, drain and rinse the beans and corn. Add them to the soup. See how they mix in with the rest of the soup? Onions, celery, why can’t you be like your brother corn?


• Call the kids to dinner, get the big soup ladle out. Graciously accept their many compliments, assuring them that Mom taught you everything you know.


• Mmm, salty bacon-meat vegetable soup. You promised you'd feed them vegetables. Savor the broth. Salty like the tears lingering in the corners of your eyes.

Book of Mormon Stories chapter 4

1 Nephi 4

1 And it came to pass that I spake unto my brethren, saying: Let us go up again unto Jerusalem, and let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord; for behold he is mightier than all the earth, then why not mightier than Laban and his fifty, yea, or even than his tens of thousands?

Do not underestimate the importance and impact of inclusive speech; "us" versus "you" (i.e., "Let us go ... again" instead of "Come on you guys!").

3 Now behold ye know that this is true; and ye also know that an angel hath spoken unto you; wherefore can ye doubt? Let us go up; the Lord is able to deliver us, even as our fathers, and to destroy Laban, even as the Egyptians.

How do you help each other be faithful, strong, and obedient? What are you doing that discourages obedience in your siblings? Do you bear your testimony to each other? When was the last time?

4 Now when I had spoken these words, they were yet wroth, and did still continue to murmur; nevertheless they did follow me up until we came without the walls of Jerusalem.

What do you (or should you) do with sibling versus sibling anger?

5 And it was by night; and I caused that they should hide themselves without the walls. And after they had hid themselves, I, Nephi, crept into the city and went forth towards the house of Laban.

Who comes up with the plan? Can you follow someone else's plan; can you both follow and lead?

6 And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do.

Have you ever felt led to do something? Sometimes, it comes as an idea, just a thought, that in hindsight you recognize as important. If you don't record those experiences, share them with others, you will forget them!

9 And I beheld his sword, and I drew it forth from the sheath thereof; and the hilt thereof was of pure gold, and the workmanship thereof was exceedingly fine, and I saw that the blade thereof was of the most precious steel.
10 And it came to pass that I was constrained by the Spirit that I should kill Laban; but I said in my heart: Never at any time have I shed the blood of man. And I shrunk and would that I might not slay him.
11 And the Spirit said unto me again: Behold the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands. Yea, and I also knew that he had sought to take away mine own life; yea, and he would not hearken unto the commandments of the Lord; and he also had taken away our property.

If you had absolute power over your enemies, would you be reluctant to destroy them? Can you see how Nephi's act was not vengeance? We hope that violence will always be a difficult step to take for you!

14 And now, when I, Nephi, had heard these words, I remembered the words of the Lord which he spake unto me in the wilderness, saying that: Inasmuch as thy seed shall keep my commandments, they shall prosper in the land of promise.
15 Yea, and I also thought that they could not keep the commandments of the Lord according to the law of Moses, save they should have the law.

How well do you know the commandments? We, your parents, want you to prosper

18 Therefore I did obey the voice of the Spirit, and took Laban by the hair of the head, and I smote off his head with his own sword.

Remember Nephi's reluctance; even so, we hope if you are asked to do something, and frightening difficulties impede you, that you will demonstrate good will and creativity in adapting and overcoming all obstacles.

24 And I also spake unto him that I should carry the engravings, which were upon the plates of brass, to my elder brethren, who were without the walls.
25 And I also bade him that he should follow me.
26 And he, supposing that I spake of the brethren of the church, and that I was truly that Laban whom I had slain, wherefore he did follow me.

Nephi is planning on delivering the plates to his brethren; do you give your siblings the chance to save face? How do you honor each other? Is family teamwork and solidarity important to you? Was Nephi engaging in deception; is it OK to lie sometimes?

28 And it came to pass that when Laman saw me he was exceedingly frightened, and also Lemuel and Sam. And they fled from before my presence; for they supposed it was Laban, and that he had slain me and had sought to take away their lives also.

What do you think "exceedingly frightened" means? Worried about Nephi? Protective of each other? Do you worry about the welfare of your siblings (and not just yourself)?

29 And it came to pass that I called after them, and they did hear me; wherefore they did cease to flee from my presence.

Do you recognize each other? Do you know your siblings, their patterns, their strengths and weaknesses?

31 And now I, Nephi, being a man large in stature, and also having received much strength of the Lord, therefore I did seize upon the servant of Laban, and held him, that he should not flee.

Recall that just a few moments ago, Nephi decapitated someone to accomplish his goal. Here, he just grabs him. What does that teach you about proportionate response? Are you careful to only ever use as much force as is reasonable?

32 And it came to pass that I spake with him, that if he would hearken unto my words, as the Lord liveth, and as I live, even so that if he would hearken unto our words, we would spare his life.
33 And I spake unto him, even with an oath, that he need not fear; that he should be a free man like unto us if he would go down in the wilderness with us.

Are you trustworthy? Would someone be able to entrust their life into your hands on nothing more than your word?

34 And I also spake unto him, saying: Surely the Lord hath commanded us to do this thing; and shall we not be diligent in keeping the commandments of the Lord? Therefore, if thou wilt go down into the wilderness to my father thou shalt have place with us.

How will you welcome newcomers to our family?

36 Now we were desirous that he should tarry with us for this cause, that the Jews might not know concerning our flight into the wilderness, lest they should pursue us and destroy us.

Note; "WE were desirous"; remember that Nephi writes this story decades later, knowing the choices his brothers would make. And he still gives them credit; including one another in victories and good choices is an important manifesting of humility. Can you see how their welcoming was not just neighborly, but also self-protective? Do not be gullible when your fate is in the hands of strangers; trust in small doses, but verify!