Every Epic Love Story Chapter Five; The Day After

We met. We kissed. We parted.

I went home in a daze. Finally, after months of daydreaming, I had kissed Jennilyn. Something she murmured while we were hugging good-bye echoed in my mind.

"I promised myself I would only kiss someone I was in love with."

*sigh*

The worst part for me now, looking back on what was happening, was how lacking I was in any plan, strategy, forethought. Nothing that I was doing evinced any awareness of our next days, our future. I was swept away by the dazzling moment, and nearly lost all of the moments yet to come.

There was a club meeting the next evening, where we agreed to see each other. At the meeting, Jenni asked me about going to see an arty SF movie showing at one of the arty theaters in town. It made me feel like we were a real couple of grown-ups.

But friends, I totally goofed the movie. It's funny now, but looking back, I feel a great swell of pity for the confused young man I was then.

The arty SF movie was arty. But I was nervous. She was amazing, smart, intimidating. We were on a date!

She's lucky I didn't swoon.

But my nervousness presented as a lack of surety about what to do. I didn't want her to think I was coming on too strong, so I refrained from kissing her too much.

OK, that's worded a little artfully. By "kissing" I mean "touching", and by "too much" I mean "at all".

Believe it or not, this did not have the effect I intended. Jenni did not feel respected, nor did she sense my great reverence and intense anticipation of the epic love story on which we were the cusp.

She felt distance. A lack of commitment. A lack of spark. And Jenni has never been afraid to be the one doing the breaking up; if she senses that things aren't going to work out, she'd rather be the first one to that punch.

She broke up with me!

Herein is a great lesson. You know how all politics is local? Well all relationships are now. As in; what are you doing right now? How are you feeling right now? Right then, at the end of that awkward first date, she felt like we weren't going where she wanted.

I was already at a deficit, being a pre-missionary. My lack of dedication was just the last gust of wind that set my ship a-sailing in the other direction, away from her.

Well, my perceived lack of dedication. I was committed, this relationship had my full and undivided attention. I wanted it, and my demeanor had just not kept up with my heart.

I think it is too easy to yearn for the easy way, the simple path. A lack of complication or drama. Certainly, it is foolish to yearn for drama itself, but to deliberately choose a course that avoids all risk is to choose inertia. I knew I was falling in love Jenni, real, epic, painful, world-striding, life-changing love. I wanted to get hurt.

Now I just had to convince her to take me back.

Remind yourself what happened in chapter 4.

See what happens next in chapter 6.

Cute Youth!

I recall a time when my young men weren't enthusiastic about dances. I am glad that phase has passed.

Last night was Suzanna's first youth dance, and one of Stewart's last ones. I am glad they had fun.

I think it's important for young men to be gentlemen, but to be enthusiastic about their chivalry as well. Too many young women have grown up expecting the opposite sex to be either lazy or selfish. So when a young man is anxiously engaged in being kind, thoughtful, decorous, etiquettish, and so on, it can be startling.

Before every dance, I would always coach our boys, "Be sure to dance with your sister at least once, ask every girl from your ward at least once each, have fun, smile, do not mock the other dancers, and get out on the floor and meet people! Ask girls questions, ask about their family. Learn their names, be polite. Be a good man."

I don't need to say anything anymore. Actually, their are now so many young women going from our ward, I've stopped telling them to try and dance with each one; they'd have no time to meet any other girls!

My Life's Work

... not really. One of my favorite recent quotes has to do with how as we age, the things we want winnow themselves down, distilling into a smaller and smaller list. All I want from life now is for my family to be happy, and for my choices to reflect my faith in God.

But Mrs. L has given me a new piece of information, something else to work with!

I met her (mumble) birthdays ago. She has never liked her birthday. I mean, she's actually very happy that she was born, has the best, most cheery and glad outlook on being alive. It's just the timing. The logistics of it. Being close to Christmas brings its own set of joys and problems. For Jenni, I think it's been mostly problems.

I have taken it upon myself to make her Birthday happy. Fun. Festive. Every year, I've tried something else. I've tried to minimize my celebration, so she feels like we are concentrating on her instead. Tried to get friends or family to come, to participate. But I see now I may have been working against myself.

When she wrote this (about how she needs her party to not be bigger than mine), I realized immediately what I needed to do. A new direction for one of my life's many tasks.

I need to have a big, fun, family and friends party for me, to set the "scope" of what we can do for Jenni. But it seems silly to have two big parties right next to each other.

So not only do I need to set a high benchmark of a party, I need to have my party several months before hers!

You are all officially invited to come to my house for a burgers and hot dogs potluck cookout birthday on the last Saturday of August, 2010. I'm a grown-up, I can pick a different day to celebrate my being alive if I want to.