The Things I've Lost

Thanksgiving is past, and Christmas is coming. I feel a little melancholy today. While I adore the holidays and look forward to more family-time and yummy food, I remember things that are gone, or that are grown distant. I am mulling today on what I've lost in my lifetime.


Well, for the last year, the obvious one has been my job. But that's not really true anymore. I'm working every day now, including weekends, at three part-time jobs. Still looking for something full-time with benefits. Now I'm so busy, I can be a little choosier in what I apply for.

There is not much, by way of stuff, that I've lost over the years that I remember, or miss. The rocking chair that went missing (probably stolen) one move when we were in college. There was that pair of glasses I hadn't seen in a few months, then one day I knew right where to look. Found them.

Once, when he was young, I lost one of our sons at a picnic. I was watching him from a distance, maybe 30, 40 meters away, play on a playground in the center of a housing development. Then, I didn't see him anymore.

We were at a party, with lots of adults, and we all scattered, every which way looking for him. I felt very certain he would go in a certain direction, and drove around the development to the other side.

Found him walking between the back yards of houses, exploring. Unaware of the crazed fear he had inspired. Now he is at BYU, 2000 miles away, hopefully looking after himself, because I no longer can.

Once, when Sam was about seven, he gave a talk in church.

"My Dad’s name is John Landbeck. He is the father of my body. I look like him. My eyes are blue, like his are. My hair is blonde, like his was."

Now and then . . . I've lost some hair.





 The Spaces between my children and me have grown, but I earnestly hope that we are never lost to each other. As I consider their adult futures, I pray they will stay close, that they will communicate and seek each other's company.

I've never lost my faith. I have on occasion lost my patience, but I can find that again quickly.

I am delighted to say I have shed myself of several grudges over the years. Their loss is definitely an improvement. Would that pounds were as easy to lose and stay shed.

I have lost a few family members over the years, and still miss them. But I have gained many, and treasure them all.

Merry Christmas everyone.