A Day in the Life of a Single, Unemployed Dad

Not "single" as in unmarried, but singular, solo. Mrs. L has gone TDY to do some painting for her family, so I'm here, coping.

That is not a plea for sympathy. Our house runs very smoothly, we've put two decades into teaching the kids how to participate in the operation, and they are fun to take care of because they really do help a lot. But it is worth noting here a scriptural fact I have mentioned often. In the story of the creation, God creates everything, names everything, and at the end of each period of creation, reviews and comments. Everything is good. Until he makes Adam. The first aspect of creation to receive a negative response, "It is not good for Man to be alone"

So we are good, but it's busy. My Dad teased me a little the week after I lost my job, suggesting that I was now, "A man of leisure." I frowned at him, telling him I wasn't sure if I was ready to joke about it yet.

But I suppose I needed the light-heartedness. It's critical to not get bogged down.

I look for work everyday. I used to do it while Jenni taught seminary, but while she's away, I'm her substitute. It takes time, at least a couple of hours, to look over all the web-sites, and then to fill out the online applications. I learned to keep a plain text, suitable for cutting-and-pasting, resume and job history open in a word processor. It gets to be a drag to have to re-type your job history a dozen times a week.

The most productive (productive-feeling; nothing I have done has produces any actual results yet...) thing I feel like I do is networking. Calling associates I knew at work, asking if they know of any openings. I've found dozens of jobs that way. But I've found several prospects via Monster and Hot Jobs, too.

Teaching seminary is exhausting and rewarding. The kids tend to be pretty subdued so early in the morning, but most of them are attentive, eager, thoughtful. They are wonderful, and I love the lightness they bring into our home.

Jennilyn has been inspirational, helping me to avoid devolving into navel-gazing mopery. When the year began, and I thought my employment was secure, we joined a health club with a year-long membership. We have been taking full advantage of that, going 4 or 5 times a week, trying to wring as much value out of the already-paid expense before it expires. I am trying out the "couch to 5K" program of running. My kids chuckle at my sore legs.

We have no TV, no netflix subscription. You would think without work taking up 10-12 hours a day, I would have a lot of free time.

But I have inserted myself into most of the home-business of getting kids to school, making dinner, cleaning. Friends and neighbors have been mindful of us, offering small one-off jobs to me, babysitting to Jennilyn. Our families have pitched in as well, hiring us to do their Fall yard work, or painting their house.

I've loved the chance to be around the kids more. Last year, I only ever got to go to one of Stewart's wrestling matches. This year, I've already tied that; he got the fastest pin at their first meet Tuesday night, an exhibition against Elkton. 59 seconds, whoo! I think the fastest over the course of the entire year last season was 20 seconds, so I am sure that record won't last. But exciting to be there and witness it.

There is more time for church work. Jenni gently reminds me that she wishes I would spend more time writing. Which I am trying to do via blogger also, another facet of our life where she is a good example, a great inspiration.

There are house projects to keep me busy (Hey Mrs L, I fixed your slow-draining sink!), but I try to limit myself to one or two a day. It is overwhelming to think of how much needs to be done, and I can't get overwhelmed. I need to stay positive and optimistic, I need to find a job. If I go from room to room, despairing at how much I don't have to spend on projects, I become tempted to just sink into a funk of denial.

There is not much I really miss about work. Certainly the sense of accomplishment in earning a living, the security of it. I miss some of my fellow employees, their light hearts and cheerful demeanors. I miss taking the train, and watching the turtles in the creek while I crossed the pedestrian bridge. I have been deliberately looking at jobs I could commute to on the train.

Even with no TV, Jennilyn and I watch a few TV shows together, but not many, really. Having been without a cable or satellite subscription for over a year and a half now has made us very choosy, very discerning. If a show is boring, or sleazy, or unentertaining, it's easy to just not watch it (especially since we have to seek shows out online or get them from the library). One strike and you are out.

It's funny how my relationship with food has changed since I lost my job. I no longer pack away single servings in the freezer; I don't take lunch anywhere. Food prep could be a simple place for self-pity, so I really try to not self-indulge. Using the extra time I have to try and eat right makes the day more pleasant.

We have appreciated the prayers and thoughts of our friends. If you have any ideas of where else I could be looking for work, let me know!

Many Things at Once

I love movies. I love being entertained, so really do enjoy a wide variety of entertainments (in my oh, so expansive free time), but movies in particular do a really good job of entertaining. Good movies do, anyway. But I have very little patience for many things associated with movies. I can barely stand going TO the movies these days; too used to closed captions. And when did they get SO expensive!?

I love the notion of the Oscar awards, but find the show tedious beyond my capacity to bear. Still, there are moments of brilliance. I saw a piece a few years ago that sticks in my mind. It was when Robert Altman got an award. Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep presented it, and they did a great bit, where they started by taking the stilted turns presenters take when they pair up for award ceremonies, obviously reading from prompters, stopping on cue for their cohort to take up the narrative, the little halts and eye-narrowing giving away the fact that it wasn't a natural speech.

But then they started to blur, talking over one another, occasionally lapsing into simultaneous agreement. How unprofessional! It was at first frustrating because such overlaps make the text of their speeches impossible to clearly understand. But then you get it; that's Robert Altman films. People talk over one another, the text gets blurred, it becomes chaotic, immediate, vibrant. They finish by reciting the line; "You leave his movies knowing that life is many things at once!"*

That sentiment resonates with me this morning. Mrs. L has been frustrated lately with the spare bed-/sewing/computer room. It is three things at once, which doesn't bother me; I see the future in the chaos. The beauty that comes later, after the indecision. I trust the patterns that I see over decades of living together. It's happened before.

When we were moving into this house, my Father asked me about the dozen doors I was stacking carefully against the garage wall. Old, dark, solid wood interior doors, many still with the old timey latches.

"Are you going to use these to replace the doors in the house?"

"Nope. They are art project material."

Dad was dubious. Clearly, he had never seen The Gates installation in New York.

I aspire to see things as they really are, which often means seeing them as more than one thing. It's not just a used door, it's a piece of wood with intense physical characteristics, its own inner beauty. And it's not a collection of beautiful wood, but a collection that creates a dynamic, offers potential in their future use.

But that's why my blog is named what it's named; I can see more than one side to things, it's sort of my gig.

Have you looked at some of the in-process photos Mrs. L puts up when she paints a room? All the furniture gets moved everywhere, we live for a day (or a week) in combined areas, eating around the kitchen island. It's disruptive, sure. But then the room is different, and Jenni is vibrant with the creation she has unleashed in our home.

I know some things in life are NOT more than one thing at once, they are binary, on or off, right or wrong. But the day-to-day living we do, where we are besieged with opportunity to choose, to labor, I suspect we do ourselves a disservice when we are impatient with the process.

Today, I admire my wife's ability to throw herself into things, to try, to do. I know that a natural consequence of that is somethings get half done, thwarted, paused, even abandoned. Don't give up, keep being flagrant, dynamic, stretching towards that aesthetically perfect everything at once room.

I'll be there to help you move the furniture back in and clean the brushes.


*If you want to see the dialog, you can watch the video here, their intro is about three minutes long.

Be wise

Be wise. My kids know, I am a never-ending (sometimes that's synonomous with "blathering") font of opinion. I wish I had been writing down all of my advice over the years. Not because it's "good" advice, just so I could remind myself I already said something, and not run the risk of repeating myself and becoming redundant, ignorable...

So here are a few collected bits, in no order, with no narrative.

Fill out the "for" blank on your checks. Write in your customer number, account number, transaction ID, whatever.

Check your bank statements OFTEN. More than monthly. The type of thing discussed in this article has happened twice to us over the years (mysterious charges showing up on our credit card statement). Catch them quick, report them, you'll get the money back and a new card issued.

We spend our days reacting and interacting with our surroundings. Don't always wait for the event, but look for indicators. Watch for brake lights 4 or 5 cars in front of you. Look in mirrors, look at shadows to see what's around the corner, who's coming. Be aware of blind corners, so you don't rush around one and make a pratfall of yourself. Forecast.

Buffet hack number 1; Chocolate Fountains; they're not just for pretzels. Look, if you have a full buffet, don't just go straight to the sweets. Have some roast, have some salmon. If there's cheese, have more of it. But when you do get to the sweet table, remember the chocolate corollary to the first law of culinary excellence; if it goes good with chocolate, it goes better with more chocolate. Those caramel pecan bars? Mmm, chocolate fountain drizzle on it is yummy. Bowl of M&Ms? Put some melted chocolate on it, and eat it with a spoon.

Park cool (front-end of the car facing out). It's safer to back in to a space than it is to back out (statistics, baby). And it's good for the quick getaway.

Synergies are efficient. Find a hobby that produces. A job that gives you food to take home.

Free, or inexpensive /= a good deal. Features you don't need can be a burden. Don't waste your time, money, or storage space on things you don't really want.


Buffet Hack number 2; I love eating at places I've never been before, and trying things that other people tell me are fabulous. I feel like I am living my life more fully, surfing the waves in front of their exeperiences. This is how I came to enjoy a Mango Lassi. My wife's sister recommended it to her, and then Jenni to me. Mmmm. There is an Indian Restaurant in Harford County with a Lunch Buffet. The Lassis are pricey, a few bucks each. But the buffet has a fruit salad which is chopped fruit in. . .mango lassi!. Sometimes, being uncouth is the price you pay for delicious. By carefully spooning out the fruit salad sauce into a bowl, I was able to refill my mango lassi drink.

Teach yourself to nap.

Know when to stop running after something. When I was taking the train, almost every morning, I saw people running to try and catch the train. But once it starts moving, it's too late.

Document everything you can. Take pictures the day you move in. Write in your journal. Scan documents, computer storage is cheap. Take a moment to sort and tag things so you can find them again. You won't regret having something tangible to go with your memories.

There are two kinds of fear, fear of harm, and fear of failing. Fear of harm is prudence. It can be the beginning of faith, the child that grows into wisdom. Fear of failing is pride. It is what makes us hide our talents, refuse to do something because it looks silly. It is the urge to refuse a course because it might be seen as cliche. Know the difference. Never ignore the first. Never heed the second.

Know all of your days that you are loved.

Be kind. I have often regretted being hasty or angry. I have never regretted being gracious.

Sworn In

It's official.

Mom was sworn in tonight.
Two year term. I am the son of a politician.

Harp Recital

Suzanna had a harp recital on Sunday that was awesome. I got a little silly with the camera, and apparently elicited like responses from the family.

Suzanna was eager for her performance to begin so I would leave her alone.

Roxie Jane started out happy and perky.


But she got tired of the perkiness and sought comfort.

Jenni was teasing Max and I about how our grumpy faces look the same. We were trying to look silly here, but I think the effect is scary; for both of us.

Grandpa let us see that it is actually our genetic destiny.

Grandma Sandy is still ready to campaign!

Jennilyn is politely warning me to knock it off soon...

Sam is glad he's sitting in the back row.

Stewart seems to be trying to use his brain to make me leave him alone.

It was a beautiful setting, with a valley below us and the leaves turning colors. When I can find a way to reduce the size of the video files I took of her performing, I will upload those as well.