Every Epic Love Story Chapter Seven; Dating (or How Three Weeks Can Seem Like at Least Four Weeks)

See? Four months IS sooner than nine!

It was very simple; Jenni broke with me, and in response, I wrote Jennilyn the best love note I had ever written. I implored her to try me. Try us.

She did. And we were off!

Boy did we date.

My grades suffered. My sleep suffered. I don’t think I spent five minutes with my friends those final three weeks of the semester (though I bumped into them as I was showering or brushing my teeth on my way out to see her; they teased, but I knew it was because they were jealous). I saw her every day, as much as I could. I could not get enough of her presence, her voice, her beauty.

I fell in love, completely, stupidly, scorch-the-rest-of-the-earth in love.

We did things, fun, good things. We went to movies, a play, a recital, an art exhibit, for walks, for drives (in her roommate’s truck; thanks Ellen!) devotionals. Yes, devotionals. We met with our lunches, made our way to the top row of the Marriot Center, and attended a devotionals on Tuesday at 11am. Looking back, I think Jennilyn was trying very hard to do everything right. I don’t know if it was her nervousness about dating someone younger than she was, her confusion about whether she should be preparing for marriage, her concern that I was a pre-missionary, or just her innate goodness that prompted her to be so focused on doing the right thing.

Who can ever really know ALL the reasons behind why they do the things that they do?

But her effect on our relationship was one that elevated us both. It was easier to get up on time and go to church. Easier to be cheerful, to look forward to a good future. She focused me on doing what was right. Though it is amazing to me that I managed to do anything but follow her around.

OK, I can admit that maybe my grades weren’t that elevated…

It was more than just wanting to be with her. More than being willing to do anything to be with her. I was willing to do anything to make her happy. Can you see the difference? Everything I had seen and felt so far made me certain that I could do that; not just enjoy myself in her company, but make HER happy. The math of that concept still infuses my self-image; I must have a positive effect on her life, so that the benefit exceeds the burden.

That notion shows up again in our relationship.

That Spring, I positively thrilled to pop up in places she didn’t expect to see me. I paid excruciating attention to her schedule, listened carefully to her talk about her plans. And then I followed her. Back then, it was actually pretty easy to know where people were on campus; you could even look up everyone’s classes on microfiche. She has an adorable startle–response, a gasp and hunching of her shoulders, that I can still provoke by showing up unexpectedly.

I kept a sort of journal of all the things we did the last few weeks of that semester. I even wrote that my reason was to remember it all in case we didn’t get married. I suppose I was a little arrogant about my value, even then. I recognize my own handwriting, but in my mind, it sounds like my NOW voice saying things like that. How could I have known then all that would come since?

Jennilyn and I embraced every young–love cliché you could imagine.

We walked home in the rain, holding hands.

We met for lunch in the most out-of-the-way places we could find. At the top of stairwells, in hidden corners of parks, way down at the end of dirt roads by the lake.

We fed ducks.

Discovering she liked black jelly beans, I bought a large bag of mixed flavors, and then gave her special gift of the collected licorice ones. Gross to me, but if she was happy, I was happy.

It was a risk, to pour so much of myself into a relationship that for all I knew (at the time!) was only going to last a couple of weeks. This is the joy of being young, I suppose. To be so willing to sacrifice one’s future in pursuit of happiness now. Is that bravery or foolishness?

The thing I remember being most certain of was that I did not want to look back with any regret that I had failed to give it my all.

Hindsight being perfect clarity, I am astounded at the absolute correctness of my fanaticism.

The thing is, I am not just telling this story in order to mentally stroll down a comforting and pleasant lane in my memory (make no mistake; I am enjoying the stroll). I want to make a point; relationships can be easy. They can be hard. They can last, edify, destroy, self-destruct, function, poison, depress, excite, anesthetize or motivate. Your relationships are all doing that right now!

When we love, we make something new. Often a relationship will spontaneously blossom into being, something new and wonderful. But once it blooms, we control what happens next.

I look back on the last three weeks of my Freshman Year semester and am filled with nostalgia for how awesome it was. Gratitude that my thoughtless dive into uncharted waters didn’t result in a head wound.

But most of all I am glad, really glad I can look back without regrets. I am glad I tried that hard to make it work, and to make it good. It is an effort that is still paying dividends today.

Where are your relationships headed?

Previously, on Every Epic Love Story; chapter 6.

Next chapter, Every Epic Love Story chapter 8, our first long distance relationship!