Lion and Tigers and MMORPGs, oh my!

I’m not sure where it started with me. Who can ever really know where their tastes for entertainment form? Parents influence us, peers, pop culture. Did seeing Star Wars in the 4th grade imprint me forever with an inclination for science fiction and fantasy? Was it just a necessary element of my life's path to point me in the direction that would lead me to meeting my wife?

Whatever the well-spring, I really do like the fantasy genre, and I have found a special fondness for playing games with fantastic elements.

When I was in middle school, my peer-group played Dungeons and Dragons (AD&D, core rulebooks, if you are a big enough geek to remember). I played it too, though mostly we just got together, rolled characters, gamed for an hour or two, and spent the rest of the night watching movies and eating pizza.

In high school, I played a game on our home computer (an Apple IIe) called "Wizardry". I think my friend Richard Price made the recommendation to me.

In my twenties, we got a computer with a modem. It was an amazing time, as the internet became widely and easily used. A friend of mine (actually someone I played D&D with in the 80s) introduced me to Multiple-User Dungeons, or MUDs. They were all text-based, all were speculative fiction (the concept of playing normal people for fun, a la "The Sims" was a decade away), most leaned heavily in the direction of fantasy. I played a lot on one called "Perilous Realms" as a Rogue named Groo.

Several years ago, I tried World of Warcraft on for size, played it for about a year and a half. The milieu was fun, but the emphasis on PvP (player versus player) and the commitment it required in time made it difficult to continue. It didn’t fit. What has fit, and continues to be a lot of fun, is Lord of the Rings Online. I was signed up to get notices about it almost six or seven years ago, when it was still called Middle Earth Online.

Why the history lesson? To give some background; I’d like to give some advice on parenting gaming children. I have none for families that have XBox addicts; our kids play rock band on the Wii, but none of them have been interested enough in that kind of online gaming to pursue an account with us.

Last year, there was an article in "The Ensign" (a magazine published by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) about Massive Multi-player Online Role-Playing Games (MMORPGs). A .pdf version of the article is here, which is interesting mostly for the artist's rendition of some scary orc shoulder armor.

Online gaming is like any past-time, it can be awful, destructive if it becomes consuming. But I contend that there are plenty of good things about it as well. I learned to type playing MUDs. Playing a good online game is like reading a good book. It has definitely been something fun to do with the kids, and fun cooperatively, not competitively (we can only play so many board games before someone is sad because they lost again). Like building a Lego castle together. We've played with Emma while she's been at BYU.

It can teach problem-solving skills. Sometimes, in a hairy fight, it's better to take out the collection of little guys first, and concentrate on the boss last. Sometimes, it's better to gang up on the big one first, and then divide and conquer the remaining monsters. You know monsters/bad guys = problems/chores.

Here are some of my suggestions about what to do about gaming with your kids.

If you don't want to play with them, find analogs that you can use in understanding what on earth your kids are doing - what are the things you do for leisure or entertainment? That's a good reference. Common ground will make it easier to discuss issues of content, priorities, good/better/best use of time.

To that end, set priorities with your kids - chores, homework, practice. Family time, Sunday rules. Help your kids know how you choose when to relax.

Know what they do - if you don't play with them, at least have them around you when they are playing. Put the game system where you can watch and observe

Find a way to be interested - again, even if you don't or can't play it with them, ask questions about it. Read an article or two online about the game. Listen to them tell you their stories about playing, and ask them questions.

Communicate your expectations - give five minute warnings (when you can) before they need to quit playing. Some games punish players for quitting in the middle of an activity, so have some empathy when your kids are frustrated; don't you hate to be interrupted while watching a show, reading a book?

Teach kids good social rules, especially how to balance social grace with safety rules - you don't have to be nice to people (don't even have to talk to them) if they are rude or make you uncomfortable. Have them promise to tell you about anything that happens that is inappropriate.

Agree on bedtimes, or turn-lengths (if you don't have enough systems for everybody to play at the same time, there will be fights about whose turn it is) - Set content standards, and make sure everyone knows what they are (language, behavior, violence). Allow your kids the chance to make a case if they disagree, listen to their petition, encourage a dialog.

Make appointments - schedule game time.

Model behavior you want them to emulate - teach interruptibility. Taking turns causes more friction (because it happens almost every day), but needing a child to stop playing now (because it's time for bed, time for school, time to eat, time for church) has caused conflicts of the greatest intensity. Parents and older siblings can teach kids how to be matter of fact when they have to quit doing something interesting.

Be careful about using threats to delete or remove the game as a punishment; it might look like something frivolous to you, but the amount of time invested in a game can add up over months (or years even) to be hundreds of hours. It's that investment that you are threatening, not just a silly pastime. Throwing away something special to your children is probably a drastic overreaction as punishment. Instead, threaten to limit time spent, or to suspend the account. Sure, the amount of time might look extravagant, but put that in perspective; would you rather have them spending that hundred hours questing, reading, thinking, problem-solving, or watching Spongebob?

If anyone is interested in playing LotRO with me and my kids, leave me a message or email me. The game offers a 10-day free trial if you want to look at it and see what the deal is. We play together, but are pretty casual, and we have a good time. There's always room for another friend (and often, there are referrals we can use to get you some free gaming time)