Lion and Tigers and MMORPGs, oh my!

I’m not sure where it started with me. Who can ever really know where their tastes for entertainment form? Parents influence us, peers, pop culture. Did seeing Star Wars in the 4th grade imprint me forever with an inclination for science fiction and fantasy? Was it just a necessary element of my life's path to point me in the direction that would lead me to meeting my wife?

Whatever the well-spring, I really do like the fantasy genre, and I have found a special fondness for playing games with fantastic elements.

When I was in middle school, my peer-group played Dungeons and Dragons (AD&D, core rulebooks, if you are a big enough geek to remember). I played it too, though mostly we just got together, rolled characters, gamed for an hour or two, and spent the rest of the night watching movies and eating pizza.

In high school, I played a game on our home computer (an Apple IIe) called "Wizardry". I think my friend Richard Price made the recommendation to me.

In my twenties, we got a computer with a modem. It was an amazing time, as the internet became widely and easily used. A friend of mine (actually someone I played D&D with in the 80s) introduced me to Multiple-User Dungeons, or MUDs. They were all text-based, all were speculative fiction (the concept of playing normal people for fun, a la "The Sims" was a decade away), most leaned heavily in the direction of fantasy. I played a lot on one called "Perilous Realms" as a Rogue named Groo.

Several years ago, I tried World of Warcraft on for size, played it for about a year and a half. The milieu was fun, but the emphasis on PvP (player versus player) and the commitment it required in time made it difficult to continue. It didn’t fit. What has fit, and continues to be a lot of fun, is Lord of the Rings Online. I was signed up to get notices about it almost six or seven years ago, when it was still called Middle Earth Online.

Why the history lesson? To give some background; I’d like to give some advice on parenting gaming children. I have none for families that have XBox addicts; our kids play rock band on the Wii, but none of them have been interested enough in that kind of online gaming to pursue an account with us.

Last year, there was an article in "The Ensign" (a magazine published by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) about Massive Multi-player Online Role-Playing Games (MMORPGs). A .pdf version of the article is here, which is interesting mostly for the artist's rendition of some scary orc shoulder armor.

Online gaming is like any past-time, it can be awful, destructive if it becomes consuming. But I contend that there are plenty of good things about it as well. I learned to type playing MUDs. Playing a good online game is like reading a good book. It has definitely been something fun to do with the kids, and fun cooperatively, not competitively (we can only play so many board games before someone is sad because they lost again). Like building a Lego castle together. We've played with Emma while she's been at BYU.

It can teach problem-solving skills. Sometimes, in a hairy fight, it's better to take out the collection of little guys first, and concentrate on the boss last. Sometimes, it's better to gang up on the big one first, and then divide and conquer the remaining monsters. You know monsters/bad guys = problems/chores.

Here are some of my suggestions about what to do about gaming with your kids.

If you don't want to play with them, find analogs that you can use in understanding what on earth your kids are doing - what are the things you do for leisure or entertainment? That's a good reference. Common ground will make it easier to discuss issues of content, priorities, good/better/best use of time.

To that end, set priorities with your kids - chores, homework, practice. Family time, Sunday rules. Help your kids know how you choose when to relax.

Know what they do - if you don't play with them, at least have them around you when they are playing. Put the game system where you can watch and observe

Find a way to be interested - again, even if you don't or can't play it with them, ask questions about it. Read an article or two online about the game. Listen to them tell you their stories about playing, and ask them questions.

Communicate your expectations - give five minute warnings (when you can) before they need to quit playing. Some games punish players for quitting in the middle of an activity, so have some empathy when your kids are frustrated; don't you hate to be interrupted while watching a show, reading a book?

Teach kids good social rules, especially how to balance social grace with safety rules - you don't have to be nice to people (don't even have to talk to them) if they are rude or make you uncomfortable. Have them promise to tell you about anything that happens that is inappropriate.

Agree on bedtimes, or turn-lengths (if you don't have enough systems for everybody to play at the same time, there will be fights about whose turn it is) - Set content standards, and make sure everyone knows what they are (language, behavior, violence). Allow your kids the chance to make a case if they disagree, listen to their petition, encourage a dialog.

Make appointments - schedule game time.

Model behavior you want them to emulate - teach interruptibility. Taking turns causes more friction (because it happens almost every day), but needing a child to stop playing now (because it's time for bed, time for school, time to eat, time for church) has caused conflicts of the greatest intensity. Parents and older siblings can teach kids how to be matter of fact when they have to quit doing something interesting.

Be careful about using threats to delete or remove the game as a punishment; it might look like something frivolous to you, but the amount of time invested in a game can add up over months (or years even) to be hundreds of hours. It's that investment that you are threatening, not just a silly pastime. Throwing away something special to your children is probably a drastic overreaction as punishment. Instead, threaten to limit time spent, or to suspend the account. Sure, the amount of time might look extravagant, but put that in perspective; would you rather have them spending that hundred hours questing, reading, thinking, problem-solving, or watching Spongebob?

If anyone is interested in playing LotRO with me and my kids, leave me a message or email me. The game offers a 10-day free trial if you want to look at it and see what the deal is. We play together, but are pretty casual, and we have a good time. There's always room for another friend (and often, there are referrals we can use to get you some free gaming time)

Snowpocalypse '10, part 2

Deb and Roger, you are officially still allowed to tease us about our supposed rough winter. Everyone else, time to humbly acknowledge that Holy Smoke, the Landbecks got hammered this year. Please note that his chart was from February 8th, so does not take into account the 8-15 inches that fell in the past two days.

Please note also the normal yearly average. We have more than five times our normal snowfall so far this year.

And there are still four or five weeks of possible snowfall left! Syracuse, we are coming for you next!

Max helped me dig our front walkway out to the street.

Next, we have to dig out our mailbox. The mail won't get delivered unless the truck can pull to the curb. I've seen a lot of mailboxes that got crushed or knocked off of their posts by the plows clearing snow.

This is one of our neighbors, kindly helping remove some of the snow with his blower. "I've got it, I might as well use it!" I am glad to dig out his mailbox with ours, it's the least I can do.

Cousin Marc came over to have a snow battle with us. Max very gamely played along.

School has already been cancelled for tomorrow. There is just so much snow to move, and nowhere for it all to go I guess. We will gamely enjoy what is turning out to be a second Christmas Vacation.

Snowpocalypse '10

I think one of my favorite things about these big storms are the cute nick-names we come up with for them.

But this is making my hair whiter than usual.


On Monday, we went and dug out the sidewalks at our church building. When Sam heard there was going to be a snowball fight, he insisted that he come along. You can see behind him how high the snow is, up nearly to his waist.

We are on day 6 of the worst series of snowstorms Maryland has seen in over a century. We've dug out twice so far, and will be digging out again tomorrow morning.

Stewart had a major computer malfunction today. His computer floundered somewhere in the installation of a Windows Security update, and then gave him BSODs for every restart option we tried. We ended up repairing the Windows installation. Frustrating when I had planned on him spending the day applying for college scholarships.



Today, we've had about another foot of snow. Can you see the mounds from our snowforts? At the heaviest snowfall, you could no longer see the church across the street. This picture is from this morning. Now, you can barely see the mailboxes anymore.

Our icicles are forming crooked. I think it's because these are right over where our dryer vents, so the hot air keeps the water from freezing too fast, and the wind is blowing it around.

Every Epic Love Story Chapter Five; The Day After

We met. We kissed. We parted.

I went home in a daze. Finally, after months of daydreaming, I had kissed Jennilyn. Something she murmured while we were hugging good-bye echoed in my mind.

"I promised myself I would only kiss someone I was in love with."

*sigh*

The worst part for me now, looking back on what was happening, was how lacking I was in any plan, strategy, forethought. Nothing that I was doing evinced any awareness of our next days, our future. I was swept away by the dazzling moment, and nearly lost all of the moments yet to come.

There was a club meeting the next evening, where we agreed to see each other. At the meeting, Jenni asked me about going to see an arty SF movie showing at one of the arty theaters in town. It made me feel like we were a real couple of grown-ups.

But friends, I totally goofed the movie. It's funny now, but looking back, I feel a great swell of pity for the confused young man I was then.

The arty SF movie was arty. But I was nervous. She was amazing, smart, intimidating. We were on a date!

She's lucky I didn't swoon.

But my nervousness presented as a lack of surety about what to do. I didn't want her to think I was coming on too strong, so I refrained from kissing her too much.

OK, that's worded a little artfully. By "kissing" I mean "touching", and by "too much" I mean "at all".

Believe it or not, this did not have the effect I intended. Jenni did not feel respected, nor did she sense my great reverence and intense anticipation of the epic love story on which we were the cusp.

She felt distance. A lack of commitment. A lack of spark. And Jenni has never been afraid to be the one doing the breaking up; if she senses that things aren't going to work out, she'd rather be the first one to that punch.

She broke up with me!

Herein is a great lesson. You know how all politics is local? Well all relationships are now. As in; what are you doing right now? How are you feeling right now? Right then, at the end of that awkward first date, she felt like we weren't going where she wanted.

I was already at a deficit, being a pre-missionary. My lack of dedication was just the last gust of wind that set my ship a-sailing in the other direction, away from her.

Well, my perceived lack of dedication. I was committed, this relationship had my full and undivided attention. I wanted it, and my demeanor had just not kept up with my heart.

I think it is too easy to yearn for the easy way, the simple path. A lack of complication or drama. Certainly, it is foolish to yearn for drama itself, but to deliberately choose a course that avoids all risk is to choose inertia. I knew I was falling in love Jenni, real, epic, painful, world-striding, life-changing love. I wanted to get hurt.

Now I just had to convince her to take me back.

Remind yourself what happened in chapter 4.

See what happens next in chapter 6.

Cute Youth!

I recall a time when my young men weren't enthusiastic about dances. I am glad that phase has passed.

Last night was Suzanna's first youth dance, and one of Stewart's last ones. I am glad they had fun.

I think it's important for young men to be gentlemen, but to be enthusiastic about their chivalry as well. Too many young women have grown up expecting the opposite sex to be either lazy or selfish. So when a young man is anxiously engaged in being kind, thoughtful, decorous, etiquettish, and so on, it can be startling.

Before every dance, I would always coach our boys, "Be sure to dance with your sister at least once, ask every girl from your ward at least once each, have fun, smile, do not mock the other dancers, and get out on the floor and meet people! Ask girls questions, ask about their family. Learn their names, be polite. Be a good man."

I don't need to say anything anymore. Actually, their are now so many young women going from our ward, I've stopped telling them to try and dance with each one; they'd have no time to meet any other girls!

My Life's Work

... not really. One of my favorite recent quotes has to do with how as we age, the things we want winnow themselves down, distilling into a smaller and smaller list. All I want from life now is for my family to be happy, and for my choices to reflect my faith in God.

But Mrs. L has given me a new piece of information, something else to work with!

I met her (mumble) birthdays ago. She has never liked her birthday. I mean, she's actually very happy that she was born, has the best, most cheery and glad outlook on being alive. It's just the timing. The logistics of it. Being close to Christmas brings its own set of joys and problems. For Jenni, I think it's been mostly problems.

I have taken it upon myself to make her Birthday happy. Fun. Festive. Every year, I've tried something else. I've tried to minimize my celebration, so she feels like we are concentrating on her instead. Tried to get friends or family to come, to participate. But I see now I may have been working against myself.

When she wrote this (about how she needs her party to not be bigger than mine), I realized immediately what I needed to do. A new direction for one of my life's many tasks.

I need to have a big, fun, family and friends party for me, to set the "scope" of what we can do for Jenni. But it seems silly to have two big parties right next to each other.

So not only do I need to set a high benchmark of a party, I need to have my party several months before hers!

You are all officially invited to come to my house for a burgers and hot dogs potluck cookout birthday on the last Saturday of August, 2010. I'm a grown-up, I can pick a different day to celebrate my being alive if I want to.

Concert!

Max and Suzanna performed last night as part of the DC Festival of Lights. We were in the front row with a great view of them both. But it's a big auditorium (800? 900 seats?), I was impressed with how cool both of them were performing.

We saw Charlene with her kids, John and Jen Babcock with their whole family, a few other families from our Stake.